Purpose

Few ‘encouraging’ words from my loved ones and I can sense life, which had nearly deserted my body, again accumulating itself in my cells. Blistering storm is reforming itself into cool steady breeze. The dark night has given way to dawn and I hope to see a new, delightful sun this morning. I need to reanalyze myself. I wish to fly to a territory where I can spend some time laying on soft green grass, talking to colorful chirping birds, touching the soft fur on red-tinged ears of small rabbits, listening to comforting sound of water flowing in the nearby lake, saluting the cloudless blue sky, lauding the proud hill on the other side of the lake. Is there any such peaceful and enticing place on this so-called beautiful planet? If not, then I need to construct such an environment to stem my fall into the dark burrow.

It is the lack of motivation that has always slowed down my march. And I am passing through one such phase. I can still recall moments from my past when I pointed out things-to-do and completed those jobs well within the intense deadlines I had set; I can still figure out the instances when Mathematics theories sounded common sense to me; I can still collect events in my mind when I enjoyed the surprised looks on the faces of people germinated by my skill of rendering quick, smart solutions to impossible looking problems; I can still gather examples from my past when I attended tuitions at 5 AM just to get glimpses of my friend’s girlfriend (oops!!!). I hope my friend doesn’t read my blog regularly.

Life, today, has come to a halt. It sees no target to aim at, no barrier to cross, no aspiration to exercise for. I have always loved limelight and I have attracted it often in the past. It wasn’t too long ago when I dreamt of conquering this world and stamping my name in everyone’s book with enormous volume of vigor and positive energy campaigning in my arteries. The joy of working hard for a purpose has always pleased me but these days the magic word “purpose” is flirting with me. The vim, the energy, the push is still there but it lacks orientation. I know I have worked madly, day in and day out, when given a task but those tasks never challenged my limits. I have always come across jobs that are either too timid to daunt me or too dull to work for. What I am looking for is an interesting task that can push my limits; that can book me for itself till eternity.

This world is certainly not shy of such objectives. My eyes are soberly looking for such an aim, my mind is badly cogitating million such thoughts. I am still looking for the purpose of my arrival, for I don't want to leave the stage without playing my role perfectly. I think….no, I believe I'll get hold of that dream role sooner or later. I am eagerly looking for the angel who could usher me to my destination. Is that you???